yep, i'm still martha

i don't feel like i'm as bad as i once was, with details that is. you know, when you're having guests over and...

you have to get every blade of grass off the floor.

every fingerprint off the windows.

pillows perfectly fluffed.

beds perfectly made.

coutertops as if they were just polished.

you know, the details.

i'm hosting a bible study with some amazing women this summer. today was our first session and to be honest, i didn't feel any of the stress i used to feel when having guests into my home.

don't get me wrong, i swept. i wiped countertops. i cleaned the guest toilet only because i have two boys and sometimes they seem to hit everything but the inside of the bowl. but this time i was so much better about the details. ask my family... i was better.

 but for some reason today once everyone was gone, i really felt God leading me to revisit the story of mary and martha.

but lord, i know this story. i know martha cleaned and was busy with the details while mary sat at your feet and listened to you. i get that. i know. but i did a really good job leading up to today. i didn't stress. i didn't clean like a mad woman. i was fully present with these women. fully focused and engaged. so right now, i'm gonna put on my swimsuit and lie on my float and soak up some of this sun. mmkay?

and that's just what i did. i lounged on my float. soaked up a little sun. and all the while mary and martha's names kept playing over and over in my head.

ok ok. i'll look up and read the story. it's short. it won't take that long. luke 10:38-42.

so i grabbed my bible and i read the story. and nothing. nothing happened. i didn't feel the lord speaking to me. nothing.

then he lead me to the story of lazarus. mary and martha's brother.

in this story, jesus sees how upset mary and martha are with the death of their brother. he comforts them. he tells them that lazarus will rise again. and then he wants them to lead him to their brother's tomb.

"roll the stone aside," jesus told them. but martha, the dead man's, sister protested, "lord, he has been dead for four days. the smell will be terrible." john 11:39.

and there it was. the lord spoke directly to me. directly to my heart.

amanda, you're still worrying about the details.

no, i don't stress out about the details of my home. at least, not as much as i used to.

but i haven't stopped focusing on the details of my life.

i still concentrate too much on the

what

when

how

why

where.

but today the lord told me...

if i can raise a man from the dead, even after being in the grave for FOUR DAYS (not a minor detail),

then i can handle the details of your life as well. you need to trust me in this.

just like martha, i get so caught up in the details that i forget to stop and see God's greater picture for my life. and i forget to trust Him to take care of those details.

so today, God showed me that, yes, i am still a "martha". but He also showed me that if i trust Him to control the details, He will raise me to a new life, one that's better than anything i could ever dream for myself.