Tuesday, June 19, 2012

follow My lead

it used to be about wanting a little girl. we have four very precious nieces in our lives but some how it isn't the same as having a daughter to call your own.

i grew up part tomboy part girlie girl...can that happen? well, that was me. and i always knew i would have a little girl. hairbows. coordinating outfits. nail polish. that's right up my alley.

but God blessed me with two healthy boys, despite their start to life. i'm so blessed. we have a wonderful family. my boys are almost fourteen and eleven. practically independent.

and then i read blogs like these...

these families have given birth in their hearts for the little ones that have no voice.
they've struggled.
they've endured sicknesses.
they've had some really tough times.
but they've allowed God to carry them through this life. they lean on Him. He holds them in the palm of His hand.

and i read books like this...

i'm starting this bible study on saturday...

but then i ask...
do i really want to start over?
i mean our boys are practically out of the house..just kidding but they will be before we know it!
how can we afford this?
adoption can cost up to $45,000!!
could i really raise a daughter to recognize she's the true daughter of a King...a real life princess?
i see so many girls hungry for attention..but the wrong kind. i see bullying. i see mean girls.
raising a daughter in this world would be tough.

but then i ask...
do i believe if it's God's will for my life that he will make a way for all of this to happen?
yes, i do.
do i believe what he tells us in scripture?
yes, i do.

pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you
james 1:27

i don't know what God's plans are. right now, i can tell you kevin and i are not on the same page with this. and that's ok. i will continue to pray. i've been praying for over a year now. i don't pray for kevin to change his mind. i pray that God's purpose for us will be fulfilled. i pray we will obey. whatever that may look like.

i know God has placed this desire in my heart for a reason. i choose to follow, not knowing where He will lead me.



Anonymous said...

You know my vote on this one!!Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." These babies were not a part of my plan at all, but the gift that God has given me is visable every sec I am with them. You never see the greatest blessings coming!! Lori

Kim said...

praying for His purpose to be fulfilled....that's right where you need to be. i will be praying for you to clearly hear His voice. i've been clinging to psalm 33:11 lately. His purposes will always stand firm. :)

black tag diaries said...

beautiful, beautiful post amanda. praying alongside you. yes- you definitely need to read the adopted for life book... so good. and helpful. i'm going to have to get that kisses from katie book now. thanks for sharing your heart.