a dream redefined and being refined

remember in this post when i gave you a little background history of us, my family and me? in it, i told you how just a few short years ago we built our dream home.

 now back then, dream home meant BIG. enough space and then some. all the latest appliances. granite countertops. hardwoods throughout. high ceilings and heavy trim.

in the build of this "dream home" i got just about everything i wanted. you name it, i found a way to make it happen.

 i'll be honest with you. we didn't pray about this house before we built it. never even came to us that we should. but God already knew what would happen. He's kinda like that, you know. He had it all planned out.

we had no idea the market would tank. real estate would simply become a title i held, not a career i made money in.

but He knew. He provided.

He provided a way in which we could keep this "dream house". i had to go back to my former career in radiology. working five days a week.

these last few years God has shown me so much about myself. the good. the bad. and the extremely ugly.

i've learned my "dream house" really wasn't my dream after all. it was what i thought i wanted. you know, the whole bigger is always better scenario.  

yes, my dream has changed.
 i want my money (God's money) to count for something more than just a monthly mortgage payment.

i've realized there are some things we just.don't.need. i don't want my boys growing up thinking the things they surround themselves with is where they get their worth. i want them to know the One who gives it to them.

i want my house to be about the people inside, not the things inside.

last saturday kevin called me. "have you been praying about selling our house?" he knows over the last few years i've started to pray specifics. an agent had called him to ask if she could list our house. Huh?? do you realize how upside down we are right now in this house? do you realize we aren't gonna pay someone to buy our house from us? do you realize it will not be in your best interest to list our house?

he actually said all of those things to the agent.

truth is, i do pray about financial things. and truth is, even in this tough economy, if God wants our house to sell, it will sell.

so we'll take the first step and put it on the market. and pray. we'll pray for God's will, not our own. and we'll wait.

i'm so thankful He allowed me to go through these last couple of years. this has been such a refining process for me.

He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness. malachi 3:3


my study bible describes this verse perfectly:
in the process of refining metals, raw metal is heated with fire until it melts. the impurities separate from it and rise to the surface. they are skimmed off, leaving the pure metal. without this heating and melting, there could be no purifying. as the impurities are skimmed off the top, the reflection of the worker appear in the clear, pure surface. as we are purified by God, his reflection in our life will become more and more clear to those around us.

i know this was a small fire He put me through. i know He's not finished. there's more refining left to be done. but i have to know when He pulls me from the fires, i will be more like Him. and to me, that's so much more important.